Thursday, January 17, 2008

You can try the best you can

Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee
having pets is like having children. To me, Ocha is almost a son. He has been with me through so many hard times. He has always loved me and been there for me. There are few out there who can claim that.

Today, I got bad news about Ocha. He has another abscess.

I feel so bad for him. I just want him to get better. I cried when the vet told me. She is awesome and doesn't charge me what she really should for the surgeries... but what do we do if surgery doesn't work?

I hope Ocha is ok. He is so important to me. Everyone, please keep Ocha in your thoughts. If you are apt to pray, please pray for him.


Friday, January 11, 2008

Dream the high road

I went to the psychic today. This was my Christmas present from Lenny and Clarissa. It's more of a healing process of her reading auras and chakras. She also specializes in past lives.

It sounds silly to some of you, I'm sure. But, I really feel much better after going. I honestly feel better, healed.

About life in general for me:
"For you, owning your space is part of your healing."
"Now I'm going to look at your work space...are you looking to change? Cuz you've built up the energy to do that."

About David:
"He's growing like crazy, so hopefully this growth that he's in will give him..make him stay out of your space."
"Any information in your body or your records...everything that's his, we took out and gave to him...Likewise, we went in to his records, and took out anything that is yours that belongs to you and gave it back...and he was in agreement with other words, he doesn't really want to be doing this. It wouldn't be his first choice. But, he's got some stuff in his space that causes him to do it, and those things are pictures. So I got all the pictures that have you in them out of him space and any pictures in your space that he's in, out. So now there's no more common energy between you two. And really, he wants that. It's like he can't help himself. He can't help but throw energy at you."
"Did you ever think about having babies with him? Because, that's one of the ties...The baby spirit is still trying to connect you two. The baby was looking at the old contract between you two. I am just going to destroy it. [the contract]"

Lauren is going to send her spiritual guide to help David out for the next three years. And I am so happy she said that. Because, even in spite of it all, I know he is a good person inside. The situation was awful and heart wrenching, but somewhere inside him, he is still the David I knew and loved. And I want him to be happy. So, I hope her spiritual guide can help point David in the right path and clear the spiritual impurities out of his space.

About Grad School:
"This new phase in your life, this new place, it is exactly what you need to do."
"What will be obvious to you will be a huge epiphany to someone else."
"Hmm, about a baby. Where have you put that? Watch that, because that's the in your space. All that creative female energy will manifest a baby if you aren't careful. And I mean be *really* careful."
"I see a soul group. You're at a point where you're going to travel halfway across the world to meet your soul group."
"Right now, this person is just a bud. For him to meet your contract, he's got to grow, got to blossom. He's going to present himself to you as a fully-budded rose."

Dream the high road.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Somedays aren't yours at all, they come and go as if they're someone else's days

Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee
Hi everyone. I don't really want to write any daily happies, again. To be honest, I am not sure if I am done with them or not. Of course, I will always have my daily happies. But, do I share them? I don't know. Maybe.

Anyway, I really jut felt like rambling for a moment.

I feel some change coming to me soon. I think my growth period is not over yet. I think the beginning of this year will be needed to rejuvenate my life and my love. But afterwards, I foresee some exciting things.

I just want you to all know that you are loved by me. I don't think I could have survived the awful times of 2007 without the love from my friends and family. This year, things will finally be coming together for me, I just know it. I will finally get to move past my old life and my old self. It is time to move forward with who I am and who I will be.

Bring it on, 2008!
Fuck you, 2006 and 2007!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

No disrespect, but that's just how I am

Beautiful Disaster
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee
I don't know why I am making a post today.

I am in a "why am I still in San Diego? I hate my job. I just want to move to London so I can finally do something I like..." mood.

p.s. Like this photo... because I do.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Horoscopes, Love, and Tears

"Someone you finally got out of your life will return, insisting they've changed. Why believe them this time?"

Wow. Sometimes I believe in this sort of thing.

So, I've been thinking about David a lot lately. I think it's because it was my first Christmas without him in my life in many years. Also, tomorrow is his birthday. He will be 25.

In my moment of weakness, I read through his blog. It was good for me, though it has shaken me up a bit. He says he is ashamed at his foolish behavior and mistakes that ended our relationship. And while this does not take back what happened, far from it... at least I know that he knows what he did is wrong. I hope he does not ever do this to another girl. And I worry for him, as I strongly believe in karma. I am quite afraid that his actions have built up a large amount of bad karma for him.

And while I can never forgive or forget him for what happened, I will always love him. I think recently I am coming to terms with this. I may never want to speak to him or hear from him again, but some part of my heart will always belong to him. Maybe it is the damaged portion, but some part of it will always have his name on it.

Is that what love is? Each lover claims a part of your heart, burns their name into your heart's flesh, and then does what they want to it?

I just hope that some day I find someone who will treasure and care for it the way that it deserves.

Happy birthday, David.