Monday, July 30, 2007

Ripples of the reflection in the pool of time

Today has been a day of emotions.

I was speaking to my friend, David Titterington, today on the phone at lunch. He is visiting Kansas, so I thought it was the perfect time to call. We were chatting, and he brought up a blog post of David's. At the mere mention of it, I turned red and almost burst into tears. How is it that over 4 months later, I am still broken?

And so after work, I got and read it. It wasn't a new post. It was one he wrote in May about our breakup.

I don't know. I am so conflicted. It's so hard to give up on someone, to let them go. And I'd done such a good job since the freakout day at not looking at David online at all. But now, I've gone and done it. And it's not that I am upset that he is moving on in his life. I am moving on, too. But, it just makes me realize that we are not a part of each other's lives at all anymore.

And it's hard because I know how I feel inside. But, I imagine that he is past me, just living his life, smiling with someone else. And that hurts. And it's not fair, if he is in fact like that. I don't wish ill on him anymore. I wish happiness for him. but, I'm finally really realizing that I can't be a part of that happiness at all.


And you know what the silly thing is... I was mad at him for not sending me a birthday card.

2 comments:

Johnny said...

Hearts, kid.

kevin said...

the past and future are such troublemakers! just you wait. things will work themselves out.