Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

Merry Christmas to all of you. I wish you well in the upcoming year.

May 2008 be better than 2007! By a lot! ^_^

My Horoscope

"You've been unhappy with the way something in your past ended, but a fresh start is coming your way..."

Hmmm. This sounds promising.

Save Ocha!!

Ocha
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

Yesterday I took Ocha to the vet, as I had found a strange lump on his leg. As it turns out, it is an abscess. The vet gave me an injection to give him to hopefully help it go down, but there is no way it will make it go completely away. She recommended surgery to get it out, but this will cost $700-$800!! As you all know, I do not have anywhere near that.

So, I was thinking that it would be best to start a Save Ocha campaign. I am going to print up some t-shirts with him cute lil face to support the cause. All proceeds from the shirts will go to Ocha and his little bunny tumor.

This is where you come in. So, my photoshop-savvy friends, I would love one of you to design the logo/image for Save Ocha. Choose your favorite Ocha picture to doctor up for the tshirt designs. The winning designer will get a free Save Ocha tshirt. You can email your designs to me at abigail.lee@gmail.com

Please help me with this. I really can't afford this surgery. Anything would help. Even love and hugs to Ocha.

Thanks y'all!

Love,
Abie and Ocha

Things are changing

五十五日
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

Well, I did it. I turned in my application for London College of Fashion. And I had my interview.

If you want to hear about it, call me. I want to tell you that way so you can hear how excited I am about it all!

Suffice it to say that I have a pretty good chance of moving to London.

We're 2 from 1

Inspired by dm74
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

Today is for sure a day for a list of happy thoughts. thanksgiving, as it is a time to be thankful, is the perfect day for this blog!

Here is a list of things I am thankful for. It's not everything. That would be infinite.
1. My family. I called home today and got to speak to all of them. I miss them dearly. I can't wait to be home for Christmas to be with them. They are each amazing and wonderful in their own special way, and I love them!
2. My friends - My friends keep me alive. i don't know what I would do without them. They constantly support and save me. They are always around to share a laugh or a cry. I don't know what I would do without them.
3. I woke up this morning. That is so amazing! Waking up every day is something to be thankful for. I am thankful that I have the opportunity for life and love. Thanks universe!
4. Music. I am thankful for music. Without it, my life would be so quiet.
5. Literature. The best way to escape from the world. Bless all of you writers out there!
6. The internet - this is silly, but I am so thankful for it. Without the internet, I would completely lose touch with many people I love. Thank you internet, for offering me an amazing way to interact with my loved ones around the world!
7. Myself - You know, I am thankful for me. I am thankful that I have found the strength to survive this year. I am a stronger person for it, now.


<3<3<3

The heart pounds, as always. But this time out of rhythm with time.

三十三日
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

I've been thinking a lot recently about doors. No, not the doors that my company makes. I've been thinking about the doors that open to reveal new and great surprises in life, and the ones which you open and realize that that was the wrong door!

I have realize that my last year in the relationship with David was the latter of those doors. So is my move to San Diego. My time here is an interim period between then and the future. The now doesn't concern me, as I know it will continue on and on. I have been thinking towards the future a lot lately.

I thought that I would leave San Diego and move back to Georgia. This is not to say that won't happen. But, I've been considering many more options.

Let's think about this move and what it would mean. It would mean I would be close to my family and friends again. It would mean that if Karl was having an awful day, I could be there for him. It would mean that I can have dinner with my parents and enjoy their company. It would mean that I can finally be around people with whom I feel completely comfortable.

But, it would also mean that I would have to find another crap job. Unfortunately, all of the careers to which I aspire, none are available in the south. Also, it would require me to move back to Georgia. That sounds like the obvious statement of the year, right? The thing is that I would dread it. I don't like living in Georgia. I lived there for over 20 years. I feel like moving back there would almost be an affirmation that I failed here in San Diego. I know that is not the truth. I didn't really fail out here. I came out looking for something new and to run away from the bad feelings haunting me at the time.

Now that I am free of all that, has San Diego served its purpose? Is there more to this city than that? Sometimes I don't know. It would be hard for me to leave it, though. Truly, I love the city. And I love the beach. And I love that there is always something to do. And let's not forget the best Mexican food this side of the border! But, I am not really happy here. I am not unhappy, per se. I am just not happy. There is nothing here that does it for me.

The truth is, the only time I felt that I was completely happy in where I lived and who I was surrounded with was my time in Athens during undergrad. But, I also realize that I can't go back to Athens. After all that I have done, I just can't go back.

So, do I stay in California and consider somewhere else here? Do I move back home? Or do I try again somewhere else? How many times will I have to move to find the place where I can belong again?

At this point, my life is full of "what if" questions:
What if I don't get in to grad school?
What if I move somewhere else and hate it?
What if I ruined my chances for working at Torrid?


I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't know. I know I am meant for something some day. But for right now, I am only full of questions and doubts concerning it.

We like our books, we love our moms

二十八日
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

1. Last minute costume-making - photos tomorrow!
2. Making ZOMBIE COOKIES!
3. Took a bath this evening to relax. Di dsome sudoku in the bathtub. Love it!
4. Worked on my grad school essays. My interview is on 11/27, so I need everything finished by then. One more essay to start, plus these two to finish up on.
5. Reading a book about Madame de Pompadour

I'm waiting around for you to come get me out of here

二十二日
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

There are so many things! Here is a small sampling:

The trip home:
1. Eating at Chow Baby with Nenni in Atlanta - delicious!!
2. A date with a cute boy who it turns out is AWESOME. Damn the living on opposite coasts...
3. North campus with my darlings
4. Apple pie
5. Hanging out and getting lots of Karl-time
6. Lots of Mom & Dad time
7. Karaoke in Atlanta with Bonnie: Karaoke Melody! (you must go!!!)

Since then:
1. Torrid Model Search
2. Saturday night before Hallowen
3. Job hunting again. I am ready for a change!
4. Also, luckily the fires have not made it into my part of San Diego! That was very scary!

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the

十六日
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

My horoscope from Facebook:
Cancer: It's time to let a chapter of your life come to an end. It's hard to say goodbye sometimes, but important to realize when you need to move on.

So true! I am so glad that chapter is over and I can be happy again. I am working on being happy. Lots of things are going well in life, and I am so thankful for it.

My friends are so amazing. I can't wait to give them all gigantic hugs and tell them how much I love them. I am really looking forward to my weekend. There are going to be so many adventures and so many hugs!

There'll be nothing but this thing that you'll never doubt

Red Lipstick Day
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

1. I was in a terrible grump this morning. I didn't want to see or talk to ANYONE! And the woman I am training came in at 6am with me, so I didn't get my 30 minutes of alone time this morning. I grumped and grumped at her. I knew it wasn't because of her I was irritable, so I turned to her and said, "Casey, I am in such an irritable and terrible mood. I'm sorry if I grump at you, I don't mean to." She said to me, "Well, the best was to fix that is to make ghosts out of tissues to decorate our office!" So we did. And it was fun. And it made me smile. And I was cured.
2. Got new headphones today for the airplane ride. I needed them cuz Ocha chewed thru my other ones...
3. Attached a bug in Lenny's apt tonight. Due to there being no bug spray around, I was armed with Fantastic and Glade Air Freshener.
That bug was so clean and smelled good to death!
4. Hummus and Pita for dinner.

Here lies your dream come true

十四日
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

1. Ocha and I took a trip to the beach today. We met many people. Ocha was asked to be in many photographs. He is a very popular bunny.
2. I am happy for my pending trip. Very happy. I have a big hug hug waiting for you! (Yes you! All of you!)
3. I drank hot chocolate this morning instead of coffee. It was perfect.

When I am with you, I feel flames again

Red Lipstick Day
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

This has been the weekend I needed. Here are some happy moments from it.

1. Friday I wore red lipstick. This is a photo from my photo-taking adventure.
2. Decided on Friday that I wanted to get crunk. Went out to see Dan's band "Syndicate" and I got crunk. Danced a LOT. Met a LOT of people. I was on a mission to have fun and I did.
3. Woke up on Saturday morning to Diego kisses. Harumph'ed on Lenny's bed with Lenny, Julie, Ian, and Diego. (If you were not Apt 6, you might not get this. Sorry. Ask me to show you some time.)
4. Ate mac n cheese for breakfast on Saturday. And watched lots of crap TV. I didn't get out of my PJs until 5pm!
5. Saturday night saw a play Clarissa costumed: Annie Warbucks. It was really cute.
6. After the play, went to Crest Cafe in Hillcrest and had a "Oui Oui Burger". It was a delicious burger with blue cheese on it. Yum!!

I did it.

I deleted my "Fuck you, David" folder on my computer. There is no longer anything else with his name or face on it on my computer.

I am proud and happy that I finally deleted it.

Take it easy. I already know what's been going on. I knew it all along.

Today I don't want to post daily happies. I have some to share, but I feel more like sharing this video.

We're nerds in love, we're 1 + 1

1. I was feeling well enough this morning to get out of the house.
2. Bought Special Edition PG Tips and Caramel Digestives. Yum!! Oh, I also got some Cadbury chocolate with extra almonds. Yum! I am glad to be allowed to eat nuts again.
3. I found a Daiso here in San Diego!! That may mean nothing to you guys who aren't from Japan... but Daiso was a store I bought EVERYTHING at in Japan. And there is one here. Oh my gosh. When I saw it, I got super homesick for Japan and smile really big.
4. Went to HRS to buy Ocha some hay and met a cute white bunny named "Peanut"
5. Talked to Karl and Jenn on the phone.
6. I took myself to Chick-fil-a as a treat for lunch. I asked for lots of Polynesian Sauce, and the cute boy at the counter gave me 6! Muahahaha!
7. Here is an mp3 of the song I am listening to right now. Download it. You will love it. It's by Fergus Brown and is called Nerds in Love.

Be kind to me, or treat me mean; I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

Devious Ocha
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

1. I have been home sick for the past two days. I think I have the flu. My voice works today, but my body is so achy and hurty... But, at least I am home.
2. I have been knitting the past two days. I finished 1 very small project and am moving on to another.
3. I painted again on Wednesay, and I really like how they are turning out so far.
4. Clarissa and Lenny brought over OJ, medicine, Sprite, and soup last night. They are such sweet girls.
5. Ocha has been very exciting about the knitting process. So far, he is loving chewing on all the paper wrappings around the yarn. And he is loving knowing yarn around an drolling it everywhere.
6. I watched all of Season 1 Murder She Wrote yesterday.

You'll soon forget that there's any other place

Pirate Diego
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

1. First and foremost, Pirate Diego!!! That's his Halloween costume that Lenny's mom bought him. So cute!
2. I think I am getting sick. I am now drinking tea to boost up my immune system. I doubt that works, but maybe if I pretend hard enough, it will work.
3. I have been painting again. Purple. That's the color of choice.
4. Xmas shopping is going pretty well. It feels good to have started already. That was I won't stress so much later.
5. Take me to 東京.

If you got the dogs you got bitches, Bitches always out to put their paws on your riches, If you got riches,you got glitches, If you got glitches in your life computer turn it off and then reboota, Now you back on.

The Drive Home
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

1. Friday began with TAMALES. Best way to start off anything!
2. Friday night, Lenny, Clarissa, and I went to a new and exotic bar. Well, it was new and exotic to us. We got super drunk, then called Dan to pick us up. He's stellar!
3. Saturday, I woke up to this face with a million kisses.
4. Went to a bbq with my bro-in-law and nephews. Played at the beach with their cousins. So cute!
5. Fell asleep to Eddie Izzard.
6. Went to Little Italy Sunday morning to drink coffee and write an essay. I wrote a bunch of crap, but at least the page isn't blank anymore!
7. Painted.
8. Chatted to the wonderful and spectacular EMILY.

I can't help it because the road just rose out behind me

You are beautiful
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

1. Clarissa and I are going to Bunny Fest Today. You can bet there will be lots of Photos! Ocha will be out there, flirting with all the cute girly bunnies!
2. 2 Essays started. Mom read through them and was very critical. I love my Mom. She's so awesome and honest!
3. I have been borrowing Clarissa's sewing machine and butchering tshirts lately. I will have to take some pics of them when they are done.
4. Tea and Honey Bunches of Oats for breakfast. Yum!
5. Watched Hot Fuzz last night and really liked it!

Fancy Feet

Fancy Feet
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

Bonnie's visit was very very fun! Here are some highlights, in no particular order:

* Karaoke on friday night!
* Sang some AMAZING songs, including Do Ya Think I'm Sexy by Rod Stewart, Sakuranbo by Otsuka Ai, Freak on a Leash by KoRn, and Bohemian Rhapsody- TWICE!!
* Antique Row Cafe for breakfast. I had Banana Nut French Toast! Amazing!
* Manicures and pedicures - beautiful!
* Bonnie's mani/pedi is AWESOME and so ghetto-fab. I am a tad jealous.
* Beach sunsets
* Watched Superbad. It was really stupid and funny.
* Watched Beavis and Butthead Do America after a delicious dinner of homemade Mexican food!
* Spent all day Sunday in Hollywood - walked out of Fredrick's of Hollywood with a HUGE bad full of sexiness.
* Amoeba Music adventures
* Watched Bonnie's new Beavis and Butthead DVD. I cried laughing.

Yay Bonnie!

Emily found a smile!

Bursting
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

1. Bonnie is coming soon. I am leaving to pick her up from the airport nooooow.
2. Karaoke tonight
3. Fun things this weekend!
4. Today was finally Friday. It took so long to get here!

We are all innocent

Won't feel you anymore
Originally uploaded by Abigail Lee

1. Played in Balboa Park all evening
2. Bonnie is coming tomorrow!!!! Hurray!
3. I let myself have Starbucks today. It's pumpkin season, so I had a pumpkin spice latte and a pumpkin empanada! Oh man it was great!
4. Today's weather was perfect. The perfect amount of sunny and warm. Not to hot, not too sunny. Perfect.
5. Watched Lady and the Tramp last night as I fell asleep.

And I got ready for the future to arrive

Today has been another thinking day.

I wish I could forget most of my emotions from the past year and a half.

It's so nice, I wanna hear the same song twice

1. Having Monday off of work! Thank goodness!
2. Curling my hair
3. Drinking ice coffee in the morning (it's too hot to drink normal coffee!! Lately, it's been in the mid-high 90's here. Ugh! Next week it's finally getting back down to the 80s)
4. Going out to a bar on a Sunday night. Oh Labor Day.... Thanks again!
5. Free Hug Day is coming up!
6. Also, Talk Like A Pirate Day is too!
7. one two three new Threadless shirts
8. Ocha and I have been enjoying hanging out on the balcony. It's too hot to be inside anywhere!
9. I've already started Christmas shopping! Ooooooh yeah!

Los Dias de la Semana

1. I was told by three different customer *today* that I have a very sexy voice. Should I be extremely creeped out or flattered? Luckily, none of them said it in a super creepy way. I never thought of myself fas having anything other than a little kid voice. Apparently I have more than that.
2. Tomorrow is the big day. 3:30pm. Pictures to come.
3. I had dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets for dinner.
4. I received a really sweet and awesome text message from Armon in the middle of the night the other night. It made me all kinda of happy!
5. I also hopefully put an end to contact with another person, for the better good of mankind.
6. I got some new movies in the mail for super cheap at Amazon: Snatch, The Departed, I <3 Huckabees, The Motorcycle Diaries, Sideways, Million Dollar Baby.
7. Threadless. $10 sale. Amazing.

If you are reading this...

I would like to know:

What's your favorite color?

When you respond, please make sure you don't do it anonymously! Thanks!! I just need to know know know! <3

Recent Happies

1. Armon came to visit this weekend. It was really fun! I realized that I've always had a crush on him, but there has always been some reason why nothing could come of it. And now, our friendship is so far along (7 years!) that I don't think anything romance-y could come of it. But, we talked about it and both agreed that we've both always felt that way, but that it wouldn't work. It was good to talk about it.
2. Painting all morning on Sunday. I finished one piece, and have 3 more in the works.
3. Randomly running in to Clarissa, Lenny, and Brian at the beach on Sunday!
4. I drank 4 cups of tea yesterday.
5. Watching Scarface for the first time, and really liking it!

This crush

It is now a thing.

Just so you all know.

My Future Husband

Just so you all know, I am going to marry this boy.

Ripples of the reflection in the pool of time

Today has been a day of emotions.

I was speaking to my friend, David Titterington, today on the phone at lunch. He is visiting Kansas, so I thought it was the perfect time to call. We were chatting, and he brought up a blog post of David's. At the mere mention of it, I turned red and almost burst into tears. How is it that over 4 months later, I am still broken?

And so after work, I got and read it. It wasn't a new post. It was one he wrote in May about our breakup.

I don't know. I am so conflicted. It's so hard to give up on someone, to let them go. And I'd done such a good job since the freakout day at not looking at David online at all. But now, I've gone and done it. And it's not that I am upset that he is moving on in his life. I am moving on, too. But, it just makes me realize that we are not a part of each other's lives at all anymore.

And it's hard because I know how I feel inside. But, I imagine that he is past me, just living his life, smiling with someone else. And that hurts. And it's not fair, if he is in fact like that. I don't wish ill on him anymore. I wish happiness for him. but, I'm finally really realizing that I can't be a part of that happiness at all.


And you know what the silly thing is... I was mad at him for not sending me a birthday card.

The Sky Above, The Field Below

My favorite website of the moment: You-are-beautiful.com.

There's lots of forces in a modern world that take their toll upon a modern girl

1. I was told "You are beautiful" today. I won't say who said it to me, but it was flattering for sure. I turned bright red. Some days I feel like I am, but sometimes compliments like that just totally catch me off guard!
2. Taco Tuesday!! Terra and I went to Taco Tuesday after work. Yum!
3. Tomorrow is Wednesday, finally. Only a few days left until my birthday!! I will be the big 2-4!
4. Not having to be sad about a boyfriend who doesn't call on your birthday this year.
5. Remembering receiving one of the best homemade presents from him the year before...which involves thinking about him and not being unhappy.
6. Oh! And none of you will see how this is such a big deal, but I beat Jaime at Connect Four today on our break at work! I beat him and didn't cheat and he didn't let me win. I won fair and square! Amazing!!!!

I bought a heart made of art in the deep, deep south

1. Palm Trees
2. Hope for agoldensummer
3. Having a fruit bowl at work filled with: strawberries, nectarines, peaches, bananas, apricots, apples, and plums.
4. ube icecream
5. Learning to remember again
6. Putting on PJs immediately upon coming home
7. Lighting candles that smell like roses

I go for a very different flower

1. Soda Pop was very good! So entertaining! I laughed quite a bit! Great job, Michael!!
2. West Side Story was also very good. Clarissa did a great job with the costumes!!
3. I watched a bunch of Watanabe's videos. I miss my friends in Japan. If my time there hadn't been so confused with personal issues, I think I would feel very differently towards it all. I do miss it though. I wonder if I will move back to Japan some day.
4. I LOVE the song Ikebana with Kana. Such good memories!!
5. After West Side Story, I was invited back to Clarissa & Lenny's place for drinks and dinner...but I needed some alone time. So, I am back at the apartment, just ate dinner, milliseconds from diving into a book!

Love!

What can you do? There's nobody like you.

1. Sunsets
2. Today we had a mini "Goodbye" shindig for Malia. She is moving to the West Coast Zone... so she won't be 2 desks down from me. Sadness!
3. I went with Clarissa after work to her shop. I helped her put together some last minute things for West Side Story.
4. I'm going to LA tomorrow to visit with Michael, and then see his play, Soda Pop.
5. Sunday I am going to see West Side Story! I am excited!


And now, a video of my very good friend, Duncan. Look closely. This video was shot in my town in Japan, Tanbara.

Videos of the Day - It's a Weepies kind of day

Dreams

I had a really life-like and powerful dream about David last night. I was with him, as if nothing had ever happened. Then, I zoomed in on his face and could see every little detail about him. It was exactly him. There were even the 5 white eyebrow and eyelash hairs that he has. Suddenly, he started turning into a marionette doll. I tried to kiss him to bring him back, and it almost worked... but then, he was a doll, completely.

I really expected to wake up and find an email or something from him. Is it bad that I was disappointed when there was nothing there? I don't know what is going on in my head.

It's almost as if I am finally coming to terms with the fact that he is gone out of my life forever. It's just so hard when you devote yourself to someone so completely for so many years. For them to always be in your thoughts. It's not a change that can happen overnight. And I wonder how he is sometimes, but I know I can't find out, because that will hurt too much.

Life is weird.

I can be your out of here

1. Went out last night with the South Park Crew! Went to a different bar this time. Hamiltons. I got asked out by two guys. One was a no. One I had to think about. I don't know. The whole "dating" thing freaks me out. I don't know why. I get really flustered when people ask for my number or ask if I want to go out to dinner or something... I still think of myself as an ugly duckling, so it's just so weird!!
2. Today I bought chairs for my balcony. I sat outside and read for 2 hours today, just enjoying the quiet and being alone on my balcony.
3. I watched In Her Shoes tonight. It was an ok movie. I was ready for it to be over by the time it was done. But, it was a nice movie to get lost in.
4. I feel good tonight. Today was a recharge day. I spent the day (from when I got home from Clarissa&Lenny's place) alone, just being by myself. I played with Ocha a lot. I love that lil bun.

I am loved

I am so happy. Today I need only one happy thought. I received an email from Namioka-sensei, and today I finished translating the parts that I didn't understand. And now I do. I cried from happiness! She is such a wonderful friend to me. I miss my Jun-chan!!

I'll take a taxi to the moon, and leave this world far behind

1. I found the perfect red lipstick.
2. I drank 2 cups of coffee today. That's double what I normally drink. Needless to say, I was hyper and happy!
3. I got to talk to two of my favorite customers today. It's always a pleasure to talk to them. I didn't get to talk to all the favorites, though. I guess if I did, I would just end up chatting instead of working!
4. I ate a tofu spring roll with a peanut sauce to dip it in for lunch. It was delicious. I was thankful to my co-worker, Sara, for sharing.
5. I finished my book this evening. It helps that I was up until 11pm last night reading.
6. I took Ocha back to the vet today. His ear is healing well, but since he keeps scratching it, I have one of those little embarassing collars for him to wear. Poor Ocha. It is quite cute, though.
7. I ate Wheatabix for breakfast. They were delicious. For dinner, I made tuna cakes with veggies in the mix. Yum-o!

I'm a streetlight shining

1. Saturday was fun! In the morning, I went to a few antique shoppes nearby. I didn't find much, which is cool. But it was fun to walk around a few antique stores.
2. Got ready around 4ish, and went to Clarissa & Lenny's place 4:45ish. We ate hor d'oeuvres and drank some wine. Afterwards, we went to Clarissa's playhouse in El Cajon. We sat in the best seats in the house! Right in the middle, center. The show was so good! Called, The Senior Follies. It was basically a variety show-type where everyone in it was 55 and older! Very funny.
3. I realized that I am madly in love with Jimmy Stewart. If only we had been around in the same generation. I would have married him.
4. The finale was a gigantic tribute to America. I felt kinda bad, cuz I had to control my giggles. It's just so odd that America is the only country in the world who acts so... Patriotic. Is that the right word? Ridiculous?
4. After the show, we all went out to The Whistle Stop, the local bar near their house. We danced and drank and laughed a lot! I even danced in heels! Be impressed. Be very impressed!
5. Today, I slept till 10am!!! Double digits! Amazing! I woke up when Ocha jumped on my back. He was hungry and decided it was time for breakfast.
6. Lenny and I went to Costco today. I marveled at the sizes food can come in, in this country. It's insane! An 84 ounce jar of mayonnaise? Seriously!!
7. Lenny cooked a delicious dinner of tuna-stuffed peppers with provolone cheese on top. Yum! It was sooo yummy! I am glad that I am learning to like peppers, etc.

Violent Dreams, Every night, Turning empty pages of old magazines

1. Terra and I bought fruit for work on our 9am break. We bought bananas, apples, apricots, peaches, nectarines, grapes, and strawberries. I love that we keep a stocked fruit bowl at work. It's nice to eat healthy.
2. I finished reading Clan of the Cave Bear again. I always bawl at the end of that book. It's so well-written! And now I am 80 pages into Valley of the Horses. They just read so fast!
3. Took group pictures at work today, due to many of us wore green! Embarassed at the breast-head size ratio in this picture. I maybe was bright red for 30 minutes when Charina pointed it out.
4. Went with Terra to Victoria's Secret after work to check out the sale. Had an employee there measure me for a bra... She said 36D, and I was SO excited! But, alas. She was wrong. I'm no D cup, and doubt I ever will be. Hm.
5. I was going to go out dancing tonight... but I don't think I am up for leaving the house anymore. It's 10pm, and I was to snuggle in my pajamas and watch a movie. If only it were raining. I could do with a light thunderstorm tonight. Just because it would be so calming.
6. Tomorrow I am going to see the play that Clarissa is the designer for the costumes! I can't wait! We are going to all get really dressed up to go. Heel time! Remind me to touchup my toenail polish tomorrow.

Be my sugar bunny, honey

1. I ate leftover Chinese food for breakfast. It was orange chicken and it was delicious!
2. I spoke to one of my customers, Tommykins. He is really silly! I love that I can nickname people with serious names, like Thomas, with silly nicknames, and they accept it. I love nicknames!
3. I painted my nails fuschia.
4. My brother, Steve, called me randomly today! He called to tell me that he was in Nevada and was closeby (relatively). He is in Reno at a bowling tournament. I hope he wins!
5. It's a Jump, Little Children day! Yay! It's been a while. I'm liking it.

Back to the Daily Happies

1. Mom and Dad's visit was great! And minus a freak out this weekend, I had an amazing time. We did lots of touristy stuff and spend a lot of time with Jackie and the boys, too.
2. The Rents bought me a dining room table for my birthday! I now officially live here. I have a bed, a "sofa", AND a dining room table. California is official.
3. When I arrived at work today, I was greeted by big hugs from two of my co-workers! It's nice to be missed.
4. Tonight I am taking back my "Sigur Ros - Untitled Track 3" back.

No more

I will deal with the turmoil no more.


I never wanted to hate him. I never thought I would feel like this towards him.

Sometimes to be fair, one must be unfair

Well, this means life is moving on and needs to keep doing so. Kashiko left David a comment on Flickr that says "Love you."

You know, I don't think I will ever trust that he didn't cheat on me. Last I spoke to him, he held that he didn't do anything with her. But, there is no particle in my body that feels like he was faithful to me with her.

It's quite sad, really. I don't want it to fuck me up forever, but at the moment, I am upset with him. It's hard when someone goes from being your best friend, and most trusted person in the world...to this. I wish I hadn't have seen the comment. Ignorance is bliss and all. I should know better than to check the "Comments you've left" box. Of course she had to comment that on one I had previously commented on months ago.

I am hot all over. I just hate that he could have ever done such a shitty thing to me. I want to not believe it, but... I don't.

Shiny like a diamond in the sky

1. I wore a cute dress to work today. I had to sew a button on it, so I've been putting off wearing it. I fixed it last night and wore it to work today. Summer = dresse/skirts ONLY!
2. Mega-cleaned my apartment for my parents' visit tomorrow. This included steam-cleaning my carpet.
3. I called Emily to thank her for the lovely present! I have it up on my wall, and I love it!
4. The flowers in my apartment are still bright and beautiful. They make me smile every time I look at them. Some day, I will find a boy who sends me flowers. I don't know when, but whenever that happens, I will like it.

If I had a wall, you'd be driving me up to the ceiling

1. Today I had my review with my boss. It went well. Lots of positive things! I know I am good at my job, so I wasn't surprised. I don't want to seem haughty or anything, but I am good at dealing with people. It's my talent.
2. I told my manager about the disagreement between me and another boss. She was surprised. I told her exactly what I felt about the whole situation.
3. I am almost finished with the book that Michael is lending me. I am going to need another one soon! This one, Pattern Recognition, is very interesting! The writing style is quite different to what I'm accostumed to, but I am enjoying it. Also, I love when the endings are way different than you expect!
4. I had a talk with the Big Boss today at work. We talked about lead times for our products...He asked me how long it takes to process the folding doors in the office, which is AT LEAST 2 weeks...and from just that statement, he made my dreams come true, saying that we can tell people they officially take 10-12 weeks. Thank goodness! There are many of my headaches gone!
5. I read in the park for my entire lunch period today. It was sunny, with huge white clouds. Wonderful!
6. Mom and Dad are coming to visit this week!!! They come in Wednesday! I am sooooo excited!

I can see us in the country side, sitting in the grass laying side by side

1. Made a huge delicious breakfast today: cheesy hashbrowns, sunny-side up egg, whole wheat english muffin, and 2 slices of bacon! I don't think I've made myself such a big breakfast in aaaages.
2. I got to sleep in 2 days in a row this weekend! Due to going out and being out alll nite on Friday, I woke up Saturday at 8am...then went back to bed until almost 1pm!!!
3. Friday night, I got a call on my cell from Armon. FYI, he is in China and still found a moment to call me! What a great guy! I am going to try and save to visit him. He said we can see China, Thailand, Vietnam, Laos... so many places! I am ready!
4. Today I spent $14 on flowers at the Hillcrest Farmers Market. I've never spent so much on flowers for me before. It was a nice feeling. I probably shouldn't have done it (money-wise), but I don't care! I love having flowers in my apartment! Cheers it right up! I got 2 huge bunches of Gerbera flowers (orange and yellow) and a big bunch of pink & yellow dahlias. Pictures to come.
5. Today, I am going to clean, because my parents are coming in to town on Wednesday! I am soo excited!

AND BIG NEWS OF THE WEEK:
I bought a bed!!! It was delivered to me on Friday, and I am mega amounts of excited! I went to Marshall's and bought some 600 thread count sheets. Booyah! No more futon sleeping for me.

You'd said you'd follow through

1. I got my three new shirts from Threadless yesterday.
2. Went out dancing to a gay bar called "Flame" last night with Shantel and krew. Lots of dancing with cute boys! Too bad they were all gay! Ahh well ^_~
3. The BBQ was really fun last weekend. I helped make delicious tamales (about 6million of them!), ran around a park chatting and eating and taking pictures, received a special coloring book and jumbo crayons, went swimming in the middle of the night... FUN!
4. Sunday, I spent all day hanging out with Michael in LA. We ate cinnamon raisen bagels and drank coffee and watched some Planet Earth. Then we walked around Hollywood for a while. Went to a crazy huge costume shop! Then, we ate at a really cute (Bluebird-esque) diner near his house.
5. Had crazy hat day at work yesterday!

uhm... That's all for now.

Why should you want any other, when you're a world within a world??

Today I am in a contemplative mood. I have been a lot recently.

My life has been going in a new direction. That direction is called "Living life for me."

I had an epiphany yesterday while leaving Target. I was walking out of the store, carrying 3 huge pillows and a bad full of nailpolish and household cleaner. And, crossing the parking lot, I realized that I am happy now. I can finally be free to be me, put me first, love me first.

It's a good feeling, to remember yourself after so long of putting others first.

What a great weekend!

1. Out with friend on Sat night. BBQ'd at Sarah's house. Chatted, played pool, hung out, ate delicious food. A great evening!
2. Sunday, went to a BBQ at my sister's house. She and Dale tried to set me up with an Australian boy. Unsuccessful. Thank goodness!
3. Ate the BEST guacamole in the universe at Jackie's BBQ.
4. Woke up at 6:30am today and drove to LA to meet up with Michael. Went to Little Tokyo: ate Japanese food, did purikura, went to Kinokuya, played the taiko game. Watched Spaced and Happy Feet. It was a great Memorial Day!
5. No traffic on the way TO or FROM Los Angeles. Woah!!!

A voicemail from my sister

"Hi Ab, it's Jac. You are coming to the BBQ, right? Dale invited one of his friends' friends to come, so you wont be the only single one there! He's cute and from Australia! So he has a great accent! Not that we are trying to play matchmaker...but we are."

Oh Jackie. Goodness gracious!
I hope it's not weird. If it is, then I will play with Blake (Alicia and John's lil 2yr old!) ^_^

And anyway, Brendan and I are going to shoot paintballs today. Excellent.

Something different

Today, I am going to:
1. Straighten my hair
2. Go to a farmers market to buy lots of yummy veggies
3. Make a vegan pasta salad for the party this evening
4. Write a letter
5. Get prettied up for the shindig
6. Escape myself by having a blast with my friends


What are you going to do?

I'm sure I heard you sigh

1. Snacking on the best spinach dip and crackers at lunch.
2. Tomorrow: Pool Party!!
3. I cleaned my bathroom today after work. Like, seriously scrubbed it. It's so sparkly now!
4. Hummus in the morning! Hummus in the evening! Hummus at suppertime!
5. I have Monday off of work. Thank god! Finally, a day off. I don't get a PAID day off... but oh well. Take what you can get, right?
6. I had a customer ask fo rmy phone number today. It was random. Of course, I didn't give it to him! But, I was thankful that he's not a creepy old dude! What a random day.

The bubble's in trouble!

1. We had a picture taking contest at work today. And got in trouble with management for it. "No giggling! Get back to work!"
2. I am very close to a decision on how to handle it all.
3. I sent 4 postcards, 2 letters, and 2 packages today. I love sending mail. It's such a nice thing for the recipient.
4. I went to the gym today, finally. 3 weeks off. It's hard to go to the gym when things in life aren't on an even measure. They aren't completely yet, but I just need to wait it out till they are.
5. This weekend I watched a ton of movies with my nephews: Braveheart, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Eragon, Happy Feet, and Encino Man.
6. I swam a lot on Saturday afternoon, and it was great!
7. Friday-Sunday, I finished off an entire medium-sized Papa John's pizza! Cheese and Pineapple! YUM!

You learn to walk at a comfortable slumber

1. Being distracted.
2. Still being distracted.
3. Making mix tapes.
4. Eating a proper dinner – BBQ chicken, baked beans, baked potato.
5. Awaiting a new, sexy bathing suit.

I cried at work today

My life has felt like a mess lately. Everything seems in ruins or misplaced. It's not fun.

This morning at work, I had two co-workers confront me about a rumor they'd heard (that I thought they didnt like me). I dunno about that rumor... but it caught me off guard. And I was in a fragile mood anyway, so I burst into tears and had to answer a couple phone calls crying.

I am ready for equilibrium. And I know I'm not going to get that for a while. It's so tough.


So, tonight I am going over to Terra's house. We are going to rent a movie and eat cookie dough. Duh! The normal way girls heal.

I cried an entire roll of toilet paper this morning. It was needed, though.

I still feel angry inside about it all. But, at least this is a step towards recovery.

Friday 4/27 and Saturday 4/28

1. Eating Thai food leftovers for lunch on Friday.
2. A visit to the Dog Park with Lenny and Diego. Diego fell in love with a little Yorkie named Honzo.
3. A dinner of cheese and spinach pizza, followed by a viewing of Science of Sleep.
4. Saturday, shopping with Lenny. Bought 3 shirts and a dress for $35. Nice.
5. Hung out with Lenny all day. Shopped, walked Diego, bathed Diego, ate lunch. It was very nice.

Only 1 Happy Today, cuz it made me that happy!

I was sitting outside, enjoying the chilly evening air. Then a little boy ran into the grass under my balcony. He was playing with his imaginary friend.

It made me smile.

You've just gone and missed it, It's escaped your world

4/13
1. After work, I went out to drinks with a few of my co-workers. Even the girl who I don’t really get along with was there. It was pretty cool. I pretty much got along with the girl I don’t get along with. Maybe now that drama can be over.
2. Went to Sara’s house at 8pm. We got dolled up and went out in North Park. We went to a bar called *somethingsomething* Office. Cheap drinks = excellent!
3. I beat Sara at a game of pool. I never win, so I was pretty excited.
4. We were looking super hot that night. Lots of guys kept coming up to talk to us. It was so funny. One would leave, and then another would come up.
5. Sara and I walked back to her apartment, 2 miles!, in search of a taco shop. We couldn’t find one, so we made her step dad (who is staying with her for a bit) drive us to one. He is such a cool guy. I ate a bean and cheese burrito with guac on the side. Yum!

4/14
1. Went to the vet to get Ocha some medicine. I hope it helps soon! Everyone in the waiting room was amazed at how cute Ocha is.
2. Went to target and bough a neon green and electric blue towel for my bathroom. It’s all part of my moving-in process. I am glad I can finally move in to my apartment and San Diego. I like it here.
3. Sara and I went to Extraordinary Desserts for dinner. So, I had Viking Chocolate Cake for dinner. It was perhaps the most delicious and most chocolate-y cake of all time. Soooo good.
4. Tall Paul is going to make me a mix CD soon. I am very excited to receive it.
5. Spoke to David last night on MSN. I didn’t cry.

You don't have to speak. I feel.

Life only makes sense when you look at it backwards. Too bad we've got to live it forwards.
-13 Conversations About One Thing

Today's Daily Happy (because it's about time I start up again)
1. I opened my bag of colorful goldfish. They were delicious.
2. I planned to go out to a dessert restaurant with my co-worker, Sara, on Saturday.
3. I watched a very good movie, 12 Conversations About One Thing.
4. I got a lovely email from Emily. I like getting random emails telling me about my friends' days.
5. I had a big plate of nachos for dinner. They had refriend beans, cheese, sour cream, and avocado on top. Yum!

Bonjour, Kitten

Oh today. Today is not feeling how I want to feel.

I had a great evening last night. Around 4:45, I was picked up by my co-worker, Ursula, to go to a “Pleasure Party.” Ursula and I went and picked up our other coworker, Terra, and headed out.

The party was lots of fun. I wished Karl could have been there. He would have been the only guy, but I think he would have had a lot of fun! Especially when we played Hot Potato with a giant double-edged purple dildo! You had to pass it using only your knees, no hands. It was tough! Terra almost won, though, which was hilarious!

It was hilarious. Terra and I got super drunk from all the jello shots (probably 12 a piece!). After we left the party, we went to Terra’s apartment and drank some more. I played some poker and lost (luckily it was play money!).

This morning, Ursula, Terra, and I went and had a healthy breakfast and then Ursula and I left.

I’d felt fine all day until about noon. After that, the hangover kicked in. It’s still going, to be honest. I painted my toenails purple, hoping that would help. It didn’t.

I just watched Girl with the Pearl Earring… it was ok. Now, I’m watching Amelie and drinking Sprite. I hope the Sprite calms my tummy, which is still way out of whack.

If you don't wanna go to Fist City, you'd better detour around my town

1. I was a grump for a bit again at work. I hate when people ask me about hurricane ratings and 3-point locks. Grrr! But I am lucky to have cool co-workers to at least laugh at the customers with.
2. Ocha and Anko are coming along. Today Clarissa and I took the two of them on a whirlwind car ride. I told Clarissa to drive as recklessly as she wanted (ie drive over big speed bumps, making sharp turns, etc.) Taking the bunnies for a drive I a good bonding technique. It’s true, too, cuz they were so close together that you couldn’t have fit a credit card between them!
3. I am gonna watch Little Miss Sunshine again before mailing it back to Blockbuster. It’s a very amusing movie. ^_^
4. Listening to Loretta Lynn right now. Awesome!

Today begins our future and ends our past

Hello! Wow! An update so close to the last one!

Crazy!

1. 3 cups of tea in one day = heaven
2. Skipping Weight Watchers to stay home and sing Japanese songs to yourself = fun!
3. Letters from David T = a wonderful surprise!
4. Wearing a beautiful skirt to work = feeling good about yourself
5. Comments from my David = make me feel beautiful
6. Email from Duncan = a treat!
7. Grey's Anatomy = enjoyment
8. No license in the mail yet = a disappointment
9. Dance class tomorrow = amusing
10. Ocha = cute!

How was your day?

I'm off to the war but you can be sure I will know you're what I'm fighting for...

Dear World,

Hello.

Here is a list of today. My lists have never been, nor will ever be in the correct order. It’s ok.

1. I really want to go to Japan, kidnap David, and bring him back here. I can’t give him big hugs when he has a bad day there. I can’t make him a big, delicious breakfast when he doesn’t sleep well. I can’t give him a kiss goodnight. Needless to say, I am ready for it to be next January so I don’t have to just yearn to do these things. Then, I will be able to do them. It’s going to be amazing.

2. Yesterday, the girlfriend hunt for Ocha wasn’t successful. One day, I would really like to find him a bunny-wife. He would be much less lonely. And the two of them wont need so much space, as they will be together all the time. And I will worry less about him when I’m not at home. Now, when I can’t be home, I worry that he is lonely and sad. If he had a little girlfriend, he would be less lonely and sad.

3. I want to start learning to cook. I hate living alone and cooking, though. Maybe when David moves out here, I will start cooking sometimes. I may even try some recipes with peppers. We’ll see, though. No promises.

4. I need to clean my apartment by Friday. Bonnie and Jenn arrive Friday night. Woo!!! I have to plan what we will to together. Zoo. Beach. Hmmmm… what else?

5. Drinking tea. Ahhhhhh.

It can't rain all the time

1. It's raining.
2. I talked to David again today. It's so wonderful to talk to him so often. Even if we are both in quiet moods, I still enjoy it. Just feeling his presence is amazing. Knowing that he's there. I miss him, but no matter how far away, he still makes me feel good inside. I love that lil plonk!
3. I just watched a movie, Mysterious Skin. It's a pretty hard-hitting movie, but interesting. The things that happen in it are despicable. But overall, a decent movie. If you see it though, don't waste a happy mood on it. It's too serious for that.
4. I painted my nails red again tonight. Theyve been pink for about a week. I used to love the idea of how feminine baby pink nails are. And I still think they are ok sometimes...but for some reason, I prefer bolder colors.

The end.

A life in brief

Oh me, oh my. It has been a long time since I wrote in here. To be honest, I just haven’t felt like writing. Or, I have too much to write, it’s daunting.

But here I am now, writing.

What have I been up to since the new year started? Well, my NYE went off with a bang. I talked to David on the phone for hours, during which time, Melo and Emily called me to do the countdown in Georgia together. And David was wonderful enough to stay on Skype with me until past midnight. It was a really sweet way to start the year. I’m glad he stayed with me till then, because otherwise I would have felt quite lonely.

After that, I mostly just worked and prepared for my trip.

England was amazing! It was such a needed vacation. Seriously. You should read David’s blog about it. He says everything so beautifully. I tear up every time I read it. He is so amazing.

David and I had a great time together. I was very nervous to go, as I hadn’t seen him since August and things have been tough for us since then. But seeing him in the airport. There isn’t a way I can verbally say how I felt. It was as if the moment I saw him, all of my worries were thrown out the window. At first, it was strange to see him again, as it had been so long. But very soon, I was as comfortable as ever. To be really, physically close to him again was so amazing.

We had a lot of fun. We took a day trip to Lyme Regis, on the coast. The wind there was madness! I was really afraid it was going to blow us over! It almost did at points. David took a lot of wind-blown pictures, and I looked at rocks on the beach.

We also took a day trip to London. I’d never been there before, so I was really excited to go. After the million-hour journey there, we walked down the Thames to the Tate Modern. It was awesome! Inside, one of the exhibits was a setoff giant slides! Giant slides you could slide down! For free! So slide, we did. Very cool! Between slides, we looked at a lot of modern art. I’m not a huge fan of modern art as a whole, but some of it was ok. David and I also decorated postcards there. Very cute. :o)

On the weekend, we picked up one of David’s best friends, Imogen, and we took a nice long roadtrip to Portsmouth, David’s old university town. There we met up Caroline, David’s other best friend. The 4 of us had a wonderful time! It was so good to finally really get to know those two. And it was so touching to see the three pirate friends together. I could defo see why David loves them so much.

After our trip to Portsmouth, David and I spent the last few days together, just the two of us. I miss him so much right now. It makes me tear up to think I have to wait until August to see him again. But he is worth the wait. I could never imagine anyone else making me as happy and as in love as he does. I am hoping to win the lottery, that way he can get to America faster than August.

A girl can dream, can’t she? ^_^

My word of the year: Adventure

This year, I am going to live a more adventurous life. I don't expect to go cliff diving every weekend or anything. But I need to take more risks.

I also need to learn some new things. I need to become a more well-rounded individual.

10 things I am going to do this year:
1. Visit 10 cities that I have never been to before
2. Go bungee jumping
3. Not be so afraid to say "no" to people
4. Not be afraid to try new foods
5. Join a gym or some kind of fitness something
6. Be happy with my weight
7. Learn to cook at least 1 dinner meal perfectly
8. Say "Thank you" when a compliment is received
9. Take a long walk at least once a week
10. Wear heels at least once a month.

I don't expect myself to excel at everything this year. But I do expect myself to not be so afraid of life. I am tired of being afraid. I don't want to live my life that way anymore.


Anyone else want to venture their list of things to do this year? This is not a New Year's Resolution. I don't believe in those. They don't work. I feel like this is just a list of goals that I want to achieve, so will therefore be easier to stick to.